"Flashing your Headlights" can definitely mean more than one thing

While driving at 9000 feet through the Rocky Mountains this last Sunday I learned that flashing your headlights could also mean that there are bighorn sheep in the road. The lady who flashed her headlights half a dozen times at me saved some poor sheep from a certain death that would have been otherwise brought swiftly by the bumper of my car.

I found this awesome pic of a bighorn on the internet should anyone need a visual on this:

*I added the picture of the highway underneath as to create the full effect of what happened.


Anyways...


I am officially settled in. Somethings are so familar about being back on the ranch, yet at the same time, the new set of people-- the new job position, have made it very different as well.

It snowed today. I have been eating copious amounts of food in hopes of gaining enough padding on my ass so it won't hurt from the abuse of daily horseback rides through the San Juan Mountains. Luckily we have an excellent German chef here who makes everything, including the hot-from-the-oven-delightfully-crispy-yet-chewy french baguettes, from scratch.

What do you mean I have a 7 inch whole in my...

So far, my interactions with construction guys have taught me two important things: 1. Homemade cookies and a low cut shirt will get me a better quote. 2.There is something wrong with a $500 quote when its competition comes in at over $3,000 for the same job.

Because I learned number 2 the hard way, I now have a 7 inch hole in my hardwood floor. So other people can appreciate how shitty this is, I have included the following photograph:

Apparently, when the duct guy and I talked about placing the ducts as CLOSE to the corners of the rooms as possible, he thought I meant put them as FAR away from the corners as possible. Maybe we need to work on our communication skills.

Regardless, I called him back to fix his error. I wanted to wring his neck with that extension cord when he said, "Yeah, I thought about putting that vent in the corner, but I didn't know for sure. "

$180 Goes to the Guy in the Blue Taurus.

Today I spent three hours of my life pushing my luck, traveling anywhere from 10-15 miles over the speed limit as I sped home from my parents' house. I had a nightmare last night that I was late to teach my own class, and the fear of professional failure was fresh in my mind.

I was rolling into St. Peter, entering the last leg of the race, when a Blue Taurus heading the opposite direction appeared to be experiencing a technical malfunction-- at least that was my initial interpretation of the on/off flashing of the headlights. After this spastic light display continued for several seconds, I began to dig deeper and look for another explanation.

I had heard that sometimes good samaritans flicker their headlights to signal that a radar-armed cop is waiting somewhere in the immediate future, but I had never actually experienced anything to substantiate this urban legend. Despite this, I decided to play it safe and drop my speed from 70 miles an hour to 55.

10 seconds later I was coming around the bend that snakes into St Peter from the north and sitting on the median was a white squad car, facing my direction, loaded down with state-of-the-art radar and not one but TWO eager police officers. I guarantee I would have been the reason one of them would have knocked his coffee over as he grabbed the stick shift to jam it into gear.

I owe that man a cut from the $180 I would have lost over a ticket, and I owe it to society to start flashing my headlights whenever I see a cop.


Note: Any sexual innuendos in the last two paragraphs were entirely intentional.

Freeze, dammit!

The day started with rain that turned over to snow while I was in the kiln room loading pots with Amy (a fellow potter) at MSU.

This was my first time in the kiln room, and I swear to god I have lost several years off my life. The process of loading a kiln goes something like this: place delicate greenware (formed, dried mud)on shelf. Set nine little, 1.5 inch-wide cement pillars of various heights intermingled with delicate pots. Precariously balance three heavy cement shelf sections on top of nine little cement pillars. Repeat process until kiln is filled.

I kept having this reoccuring day-mare (is that a word?) of just one of the cement shelves slipping off its delicate little pillar and, like a domino effect, crushing layer after layer of artwork. Makes me sick just remembering it.

I have been distracted in that class lately. I am getting sick of getting asked out by someone who is taking me being nice for something else. I wish I had the balls to just tell him to leave me alone, but then again, if I had balls, I probably wouldn't be in this situation at all.

I left MSU intending to head to SCC to grade, prep, teach --the normal Monday routine-- when I almost met a Jeep Grand Cherokee head-on in a collison. The driver was coming around a corner too fast, which threw his Jeep into a sideways slide down my lane. It was at that point that I reconsidered having class in a few hours. The sky was a thick gray, there were two inches of snow on the ground on top of slush and potentially ice, and I had heard that they were projecting a possible 8 inches by the end of the day. When these factors are combined with my near- accident, it seems logical to cancel class, which is what I did. Unfortunately, now it is warming up enough to turn everything into slush and the roads look wet but bare.

I am probably the only teacher in the world who has ever canceled class over slush.

People feel sorry for me

It looks like a paper bomb exploded all over my table (which is actually two standard coffee tables pushed together to make one large "super table"). I've refilled my also oversized tea cup more than once here at the Fillin Station, and the second time I did so, the gal working let me go behind the bar to do it myself since I pratically pay the mortgage here.

I imagine that seeing me working today is a little comical. I mean, I have had a paper clip in my mouth for the last 3 hours as I transfered scores from graded work into my gradebook. That isn't what people comment on, though. It is most likely the multiple piles of papers surrounding my laptop, which is strategically positioned behind my gradebook, which is, of course, directly in front of me, that interest them. Or maybe it is the user manual for an Oster blender that is resting on the table to my right (an extra credit submission from a Tech writing student). My keys are also somewhere in this mess. I have no idea what is most entertaining, but two gentlemen have felt compeled to say something.

The first gentleman, who I have seen in here a fair amount, walked past my table on the way out and said as he scanned the piles, "I teach speech [pause], and I am happy about it."

The second individual, one I have not seen before, continued to look at me and my piles as he passed my table. He met my eyes right before he turned to focus on a place to sit and simply said, "I'm sorry".

Contact Information

I have finally made it to Durango, Colorado. This very charming town is only 30 miles away from the ranch, but it feels like it is thousands of miles away-- mainly because it takes twice as long as it should to get there because of the mountain roads and also because the ranch is so secluded that it feels like going anywhere requires pack mules or rock-climbing equipment.

I have put in over 80 hours of work in the past two weeks, and that is just the time spent on the ranch job. I am now working on the online class, and I have a feeling between the two jobs and the occasional horseback ride, I won't have much time for anything else. This will be my excuse for neglecting my blog and my email for the next month.

If anyone wants to enlighten my day with a delivery, I have finally found out the address where I can be reached:

Jennifer Panko
c/o Wilderness Trails Ranch
23486 County Road 501
Bayfield, CO 81122

If you are thinking of sending something my way, anything short of explosives or live animals would be greatly appreciated!

Hope you all are enjoying your summer.

Colorado here I come

So, it's official: I'm off to the four corners region in 12 days. Looks like I will be spending my summer in the San Juan Mountains. Doesn't seem like a bad deal-- working the bar and store every morning and evening so I can spend my afternoons horseback riding, herding cattle, waterskiing, fishing, hiking, lounging by the pool and in the hot tub-- not to mention the insane amounts of delicious food I HAVE to eat at every meal...prime rib, chipotle-gouda smashed potatoes, tuaca zabaglione...yum.

I even get to stay in a gigantic log cabin for the duration:



I am worried about the people I will miss back here in Minnesota, but I am also hoping this job will provide a much-needed respite. Hopefully the experience will be a pleasantly memorable one, and not one laced with homesickness and poison oak.

Guess I'll just have to wait and see. For now, I spend much of my time at this website:

http://wildernesstrails.com/